


I know you're seeing black and white, so I'll paint you a clear blue sky

by fullmetallizard



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:56:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5825860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetallizard/pseuds/fullmetallizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I so much do not own Attack on Titan.</p>
    </blockquote>





	I know you're seeing black and white, so I'll paint you a clear blue sky

**Author's Note:**

> I so much do not own Attack on Titan.

Armin was sleeping peacefully but woke suddenly to a sharp jab in his ribs. He huffed and then rubbed his eyes and propped himself up to get a better look at his bedmate, who’d just elbowed him.

Eren’s brow was furrowed and covered with a light sheen of sweat. He was muttering under his breath, the muscles in his face twitching violently, fists clenching and unclenching.

Armin’s heart ached a little for him and he cupped his face, rubbing his thumb gently across Eren’s sweaty cheek. “Eren, wake up,” he whispered.

Eren whimpered and turned his face slightly away from Armin’s touch. He shook his hand a little and said more forcefully, “C’mon, wake up.”

Eren’s green eyes shot open, vivid and hot. “I…they’re everywhere…I can’t- I- I don’t-”

“Hey,” Armin soothed, taking his hand and squeezing it. “It’s all over now. Just breathe.”

Eren’s eyes darted around the room a few times but he let out a sigh and slumped forward, laying his head on Armin’s chest. He took a few shuddering breaths while Armin rubbed his back in circles. “You’re all right.”

“It’s just…they feel so real,” he said, referring to his nightmares.

 _That’s because they were_ , Armin thought. He didn’t feel the need to say it out loud. It was obvious. Eren already knew that.

“We’re safe. Everyone’s okay,” Armin said, wrapping an arm around Eren’s tense shoulders. Well…not everybody was okay. Countless lives were lost. He didn’t say that out loud either. Eren knew that as well.

“Mikasa’s safe?” Eren asked, so softly. He wasn’t quite meeting Armin’s eye line.

“Yes. And she’s bringing the baby over to see us in a couple of days. That’ll be good, right? That’s something to look forward to.”

He felt Eren nod against him. They were quiet, listening to the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand outside of the open bathroom window, the air in the room balmy and warm.

“Hey,” Armin said, at feeling Eren relax just the slightest bit at the sound of the ocean. “Let’s go outside.”

Eren furrowed his brow. “Outside? It’s,” he looked at the clock, “three o clock in the morning.”

“Perfect. Let’s go out.”

Eren’s face remained confused but he got out of bed and slipped on his sandals. Armin opted to go barefoot. Armin took his hand and led him out of the backdoor. They stepped onto the sand and took the short walk to the shoreline.

Armin stared at the dim horizon, his chest filled with the same wonder and longing he always felt when looking at the vastness of it all. The ocean made him feel the loss of his parents completely. He had no idea if they ever got to lay eyes on the sea.

But at the same time, as he watched the waves, dark and grey, crash against the sand, leaving behind bubbles of sea foam and he couldn’t deny it was beautiful. Maybe it was even worth all the pain of getting there.

   “I love the ocean,” Eren sighed, visibly more at ease.

“I do too.”

“And I love you,” Eren said, so softly Armin almost didn’t hear. His voice was shaking just a little.

“Hey,” Armin said, kissing the tear that slipped down Eren’s cheek. He could barely make it out in the moonlight. “You’re okay. You’re awake now.”

“I’m with you,” he whispered, sitting on the damp sand and letting the dark water wash over his toes.

Armin sat beside him and placed a hand on his back.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said through gritted teeth.

“What for?”

“I keep waking you up in the middle of the night and I jump at everything. Some days…I can barely function.”

Armin’s mind went to the medical textbooks they’d found at an abandoned hospital they found after leaving the walls. _Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder_. He’d spent a long time pretending the symptoms didn’t fit Eren to a T. But there was no denying it now.

“Eren, anyone who’s been through what we’ve lived through would have trouble functioning.”

“Not you,” Eren said.

“Yes me,” Armin insisted. “Sometimes I wake up and I can’t breathe until I know you’re there with me. I worry about Mikasa all the time. Even though I know she’s safe, my heart races when I don’t see her for too long. I’m affected too. You don’t have to apologize for being human.”

“ _Human_ ,” Eren scoffed, scrubbing his hands down his face. He gave a dry, humorless laugh. “Can you even call me that anymore?”

Armin laced his fingers through Eren’s and held on tight for a moment. It still amazed him to feel the flesh and bones of Eren’s arm after having seen it fly from the mouth of a Titan. He looked at their hands. His pale and Eren’s brown. Once the walls came down, they discovered Eren was Turkish. Armin still wasn’t sure what he was.

“Of course I can call you human. You’re not a monster.”

“I was,” he muttered.

“But you’re not now,” Armin said firmly. “You have to start to heal from this, Eren. You can’t get stuck in the past. And I…I can’t lose you to this. I’m afraid you might leave me alone.” Armin had always had a knack for words but trying to convince Eren to want to live left his tongue dry and his brain scrambling.

Eren blinked a couple times, as if the fact that Armin would be left behind should something happen to him occurred to him for the first time.

“I _won’t_ leave you,” Eren said loudly. Even in the dark of the night, Armin could see the spark in his eyes. Eren’s eyes always went fiery when making a promise and the sight of it made his chest a little looser. “You won’t be alone.”

They were quiet, enjoying the splashes of the waves.

“I’m blown away every day that we finally got to the ocean,” Eren said, putting his hand on the small of Armin’s back. “I saw freedom in your eyes years ago and now I can see it outside of our house. We…we really did it.”

Armin kissed his cheek, so grateful that Eren was alive and still trying. “We certainly did.”   


End file.
